CHAPTER I

THE SNOB PLAYFULLY DEALT WITH

第一章为人可笑的势利者

There are relative and positive Snobs. I mean by positive, such persons as are Snobs everywhere, in all companies, from morning till night, from youth to the grave, being by Nature endowed with Snobbishness—and others who are Snobs only in certain circumstances and relations of life.

势利者分相对和绝对两种。我所指的绝对势利者天赋秉性，他们无处不在、不分人群、从早到晚、从生至死——而另一类人则只在某些情况和某种社会关系中才变成势利者。

For instance: I once knew a man who committed before me an act as atrocious as that which I have indicated in the last chapter as performed by me for the purpose of disgusting Colonel Snobley; viz, the using the fork in the guise of a toothpick. I once, I say, knew a man who, dining in my company at the 'Europa Coffee—house, ' （opposite the Grand Opera, and, as everybody knows, the only decent place for dining at Naples, ） ate peas with the assistance of his knife. He was a person with whose society I was greatly pleased at first—indeed, we had met in the crater of Mount Vesuvius, and were subsequently robbed and held to ransom by brigands in Calabria, which is nothing to the purpose—a man of great powers, excellent heart, and varied information; but I had never before seen him with a dish of pease, and his conduct in regard to them caused me the deepest pain.

比如：我曾认识一个人，他在我面前表现出了令人反感的行为——就像我在前言中提到的我为了引起斯劳布勒上校的反感所做的那样，将餐叉用作牙签。比如，我曾认识一位男士，他和我同在 “欧罗巴咖啡屋” （就是大剧院对面的那家，大家都知道，那是那不勒斯唯一一个体面的用餐地点）用餐，他用餐刀吃豌豆。最初跟他的接触是相当愉悦的——事实上，我们是在维苏威火山的火山口碰到的，后来我们在卡拉布里亚遭遇了抢劫，被歹徒敲诈了一笔赎金，当然这些都与这里所说的无关——他是个很有能力的人，心地善良、见多识广。但我之前从来没有见过他吃豌豆，而且他在吃豌豆时的举止也令我痛苦至极。

After having seen him thus publicly comport himself, but one course was open to me—to cut his acquaintance. I commissioned a mutual friend （the Honourable Poly Anthus） to break the matter to this gentleman as delicately as possible, and to say that painful circumstances—in nowise affecting Mr. Marrowfat's honour, or my esteem for him—had occurred, which obliged me to forego my intimacy with him; and accordingly we met and gave each other the cut direct that night at the Duchess of Monte Fiasco's ball.

看到了他在公共场合的这种举动之后，我只有一条路可走了——与他绝交。我托我们共同的一个朋友（可敬的波利•安沙斯）尽量委婉地将这件事向这位绅士和盘托出，说既然这种难堪的局面已经出现——这绝不会影响马罗法特先生的荣誉，而我对他也会一如既往地尊敬——我不得不斩断与他的亲密关系。所以我们当晚在蒙特•菲斯科公爵夫人的舞会上会了面，并直接断了彼此间的联系。

Everybody at Naples remarked the separation of the Damon and Pythias—indeed, Marrowfat had saved my life more than once—but, as an English gentleman, what was I to do?

那不勒斯的每个人都谈到过戴蒙和皮西厄斯的分离——确实，马罗法特曾不止一次地搭救过我的性命——然而，作为一个英国绅士，我能怎么做呢？

My dear friend was, in this instance, the Snob RELATIVE. It is not snobbish of persons of rank of any other nation to employ their knife in the manner alluded to. I have seen Monte Fiasco clean his trencher with his knife, and every Principe in company doing likewise.

在这件事情上，我亲爱的朋友就是相对势利者。在其他任何国家，如果一些有地位的人也用刚才所说的那种方式使用餐刀，他们并不能算作势利之徒。我曾看见蒙特•菲斯科用餐刀来清理木餐盘，而与他同坐的每一个普林西比人都这样做。

I have seen, at the hospitable board of H.I. H. the Grand Duchess Stephanie of Baden—（who, if these humble lines should come under her Imperial eyes, is besought to remember graciously the most devoted of her servants）—I have seen, I say, the Hereditary Princess of Potztausend Donnerwetter （that serenely—beautiful woman） use her knife in lieu of a fork or spoon; I have seen her almost swallow it, by Jove! like Ramo Samee, the Indian juggler. And did I blench? Did my estimation for the Princess diminish? No, lovely Amalia! One of the truest passions that ever was inspired by woman was raised in this bosom by that lady. Beautiful one! long, long may the knife carry food to those lips! the reddest and loveliest in the world!

我曾看见，在巴登的斯蒂法妮大公爵夫人——（如果这些卑微的词句有幸被殿下看到，那么我恳求她仁慈地记住她这个最忠诚的仆人）好客的餐桌上——呐，我看见世袭公主波兹托森德•唐勒威特（那个沉稳而美丽的女人）用餐刀来代替餐叉和汤匙。啊，我看见她都快把它给吞下去了！像印度杂耍人拉莫•沙麦一样。难道我退缩了？难道我对公主的尊敬减少了？不，可爱的阿玛莉亚！那位女士激发了鄙人心中曾被女人激起的最真挚的情感。真是一位美人儿！愿餐刀足够长，长到可以将食物直接送到她的唇边！那世界上最红最可爱的嘴唇！

The cause of my quarrel with Marrowfat I never breathed to mortal soul for four years. We met in the halls of the aristocracy—our friends and relatives. We jostled each other in the dance or at the board; but the estrangement continued, and seemed irrevocable, until the fourth of June, last year.

四年来，我从未向世人提及我和马罗法特之间发生争吵的原因。我们在贵族亲友的厅堂里会了面。我们在舞池里或是饭桌旁擦肩而过，但是彼此间的隔阂仍在，而且似乎不可调和，直到去年六月四日。

We met at Sir George Golloper's. We were placed, he on the right, your humble servant on the left of the admirable Lady G.. Peas formed part of the banquet—ducks and green peas. I trembled as I saw Marrowfat helped, and turned away sickening, lest I should behold the weapon darting down his horrid jaws.

我们在乔治•戈洛普爵士家中见到了对方。我们的座位是这样安排的：他在尊敬的戈洛普夫人的右边，而鄙人则在她的左边。当时宴席的菜肴中用到了豌豆——有一道菜是用鸭肉和嫩豌豆做的。我一看见马罗法特吃东西就战栗，觉得阵阵恶心，于是转过身去，以免亲眼目睹餐具冲向他那可怕的嘴里。

What was my astonishment, what my delight, when I saw him use his fork like any other Christian! He did not administer the cold steel once. Old times rushed back upon me—the remembrance of old services—his rescuing me from the brigands—his gallant conduct in the affair with the Countess Dei Spinachi—his lending me the 1, 700L. I almost burst into tears with joy—my voice trembled with emotion. 'George, my boy! ' I exclaimed, 'George Marrowfat, my dear fellow! a glass of wine! '

看到他像其他基督教徒那样使用餐叉时，我是何等震惊、何等欣喜啊！他可是从没有使用过这种冷冰冰的钢制器皿。我一下子想起了以前的事——想起了他曾经提供给我的帮助——他将我从强盗手中救出——他在与德•斯宾纳奇女伯爵相好时的侠义行为——他借给了我一千七百镑。我差点喜极而泣了——我激动得声音都在颤抖。 “乔治，好样的！” 我惊呼， “乔治•马罗法特，我亲爱的朋友！我们干一杯！”

Blushing—deeply moved—almost as tremulous as I was myself, George answered, 'FRANK, SHALL IT BE HOCK OR MADEIRA? ' I could have hugged him to my heart but for the presence of the company. Little did Lady Golloper know what was the cause of the emotion which sent the duckling I was carving into her ladyship's pink satin lap. The most good—natured of women pardoned the error, and the butler removed the bird.

乔治的脸红了——深受感动——颤抖得几乎和我一样厉害。他回答说： “弗兰克，喝霍克酒还是马德拉白葡萄酒？” 当时要不是有人在场，我就深深拥抱他了。戈洛普夫人几乎不知道我为什么如此激动，把切着的鸭肉都掉到了她粉红色的绸缎裙兜里。这位脾气极好的女士原谅了我的过失，男管家将这块肉弄走了。

We have been the closest friends over since, nor, of course, has George repeated his odious habit. He acquired it at a country school, where they cultivated peas and only used two—pronged forks, and it was only by living on the Continent where the usage of the four—prong is general, that he lost the horrible custom.

从那以后，我们成了亲密无间的朋友。当然，乔治再也没有了那样的恶习。他是在一所乡村学校养成那种习惯的，在那里，人们种植豌豆，而且只使用两分叉的餐叉，在欧洲大陆生活过之后，他发现人们普遍使用四分叉的餐叉，这才丢掉了那个可怕的习惯。

In this point—and in this only—I confess myself a member of the Silver—Fork School; and if this tale but induce one of my readers to pause, to examine in his own mind solemnly, and ask, 'Do I or do I not eat peas with a knife? ' —to see the ruin which may fall upon himself by continuing the practice, or his family by beholding the example, these lines will not have been written in vain. And now, whatever other authors may be, I flatter myself, it will be allowed that I, at least, am a moral man.

在这一点上——也只有在这一点上——我承认自己是银叉族的一员。如果这个故事仅仅能使我的一个读者停下来，认真地清理一下思绪之后问： “我是不是用餐刀吃豌豆呢？” ——且意识到如果继续那样的行为就会把自己给毁了，或者他的家人若以此为榜样，也会给毁了，那么我上面的话就没有白写。现在，不管其他作家会是怎样，我自诩可以称得上一个懂得寓意的人。

By the way, as some readers are dull of comprehension, I may as well say what the moral of this history is. The moral is this—Society having ordained certain customs, men are bound to obey the law of society, and conform to its harmless orders.

顺便说一下，因为有的读者理解能力有限，那么我就谈谈这件旧事寓意何在。寓意在于——既然社会规定了某些习俗，人们就必须遵守社会的规则，遵照其无害的秩序。

If I should go to the British and Foreign Institute （and heaven forbid I should go under any pretext or in any costume whatever）—if I should go to one of the tea—parties in a dressing—gown and slippers, and not in the usual attire of a gentleman, viz, pumps, a gold waistcoat, a crush hat, a sham frill, and a white choker—I should be insulting society, and EATING PEASE WITH MY KNIFE. Let the porters of the Institute hustle out the individual who shall so offend. Such an offender is, as regards society, a most emphatical and refractory Snob. It has its code and police as well as governments, and he must conform who would profit by the decrees set forth for their common comfort.

我要是去 “英国与外国学会” （我绝不能找任何借口或是穿着随意的服饰去）——如果我穿着晨衣和拖鞋去参加一个茶会，而不穿一位绅士通常所穿的盛装，即无带轻软舞鞋、金色的马甲、软毡帽、仿荷叶边以及白色宽领带——我就是在侮辱社会，成了用餐刀吃豌豆的人。让这个学会的门卫将如此冒犯的人拒之门外吧。对社会而言，这样一个冒犯者是最顽固、最难对付的势利者。一个社会有着自己的政府，也有其相应的规范和治安力量，要是谁想从为了人们共同的舒适而制定的法令中获益，他就必须遵守这些规范。

I am naturally averse to egotism, and hate selflaudation consumedly; but I can't help relating here a circumstance illustrative of the point in question, in which I must think I acted with considerable prudence.

我天生反感以个人为中心，非常讨厌大肆自我称赞的行为。但是，在此我不由地联想到一个正好可以对这个问题进行解释的例子，我必须认为自己在其中的行为是谨慎的。

Being at Constantinople a few years since—（on a delicate mission）—the Russians were playing a double game, between ourselves, and it became necessary on our part to employ an EXTRA NEGOTIATOR—Leckerbiss Pasha of Roumelia, then Chief Galeongee of the Porte, gave a diplomatic banquet at his summer palace at Bujukdere. I was on the left of the Galeongee, and the Russian agent, Count de Diddloff, on his dexter side. Diddloff is a dandy who would die of a rose in aromatic pain: he had tried to have me assassinated three times in the course of the negotiation; but of course we were friends in public, and saluted each other in the most cordial and charming manner.

几年前我在君士坦丁堡（执行一个棘手的任务），那时俄国人在背地里玩双重花招，因此我方有必要雇佣一个 “谈判高手” ——罗麦里亚的莱克比斯•帕夏。帕夏时任土耳其宫廷的一名主要官员，在他于布朱克迪尔的避暑宫殿里举行了一个外交宴会。我就在这位官员的左边，而俄国代理迪德罗夫伯爵则在他的右边。迪德罗夫是一个纨绔子弟，他会为了一个美丽女子在芳香的痛苦中死去。在谈判的过程中，他有三次差点置我于死地。当然，我们在公众眼里是朋友，都用最热诚、最优雅的方式向彼此致意。

The Galeongee is—or was, alas! for a bow—string has done for him—a staunch supporter of the old school of Turkish politics. We dined with our fingers, and had flaps of bread for plates; the only innovation he admitted was the use of European liquors, in which he indulged with great gusto. He was an enormous eater. Amongst the dishes a very large one was placed before him of a lamb dressed in its wool, stuffed with prunes, garlic, assafoetida, capsicums, and other condiments, the most abominable mixture that ever mortal smelt or tasted. The Galeongee ate of this hugely; and pursuing the Eastern fashion, insisted on helping his friends right and left, and when he came to a particularly spicy morsel, would push it with his own hands into his guests' very mouths.

这个官员是——或者说曾经是，哎！因为一根绳索就能把他给解决掉——土耳其政治老派的一个坚定的支持者。我们用手指吃饭，用面包片作盘子。他唯一喜欢的一个新点子就是喝欧洲烈性酒，他喝得非常痛快。他真是一个大胃王。在众多菜肴中，有一道很大的菜放在他面前，那是一只未去毛的羔羊，里面填塞着梅干、大蒜、阿魏胶、辣椒和其他调味品，简直是人能闻到或是尝到的最可恶的混杂物。那个官员却吃得很带劲，并按照东方的方式，不断地帮助左右的朋友，当他吃到一道特别辛辣的美食时，便会亲自用手将其塞进客人们的嘴里。

I never shall forget the look of poor Diddloff, when his Excellency, rolling up a large quantity of this into a ball and exclaiming, 'Buk Buk' （it is very good） administered the horrible bolus to Diddloff. The Russian's eyes rolled dreadfully as he received it: he swallowed it with a grimace that I thought must precede a convulsion, and seizing a bottle next him, which he thought was Sauterne, but which turned out to be French brandy, he drank off nearly a pint before he know his error. It finished him; he was carried away from the dining—room almost dead, and laid out to cool in a summer—house on the Bosphorus.

我永远也不会忘记，当大人将一大块羊肉卷成一团，吆喝着 "Buk Buk" （好极了！）并把这个可怕的肉团递给他时，可怜的迪德罗夫的样子。接过这个肉团，这个俄国人害怕得眼睛直打转：他面露难色地吞下了那个肉团，我想随后一定痉挛了一下。他抓起旁边的一瓶酒就饮，他本以为是苏特恩白葡萄酒，没想到却是一瓶法国白兰地，他差不多喝完了一品脱才知道自己弄错了。这酒把他给灌翻了；他像死人一样被人从餐室里抬出去，放到了博斯普鲁斯的花园凉亭里让他醒酒。

When it came to my turn, I took down the condiment with a smile, said 'Bismillah, ' licked my lips with easy gratification, and when the next dish was served, made up a ball myself so dexterously, and popped it down the old Galeongee's mouth with so much grace, that his heart was won. Russia was put out of court at once and THE TREATY of Kabobanople WAS SIGNED. As for Diddloff, all was over with HIM: he was recalled to St. Petersburg, and Sir Roderick Murchison saw him, under the No. 3967, working in the Ural mines.

轮到我了，我笑着吃下了那辛辣的食物，嘴里说着 “真主” ，轻松满足地舔了舔嘴唇。等下一道菜上来时，我灵巧地卷起一个肉团，优雅地将其放入老官员的嘴里，赢得了他的心。俄国立马出局，而我们则签订了 “卡波巴罗普尔条约” 。至于迪德罗夫，他一切都完了：他被召回到圣彼得堡，罗德里克•默奇森爵士曾看见过他，他身上标着 “3967号” ，在乌拉尔山的矿井中工作。

The moral of this tale, I need not say, is, that there are many disagreeable things in society which you are bound to take down, and to do so with a smiling face.

无需我讲，这个故事的寓意在于：社会上有许多不称心的事要你接受，并面带微笑去做。